Where does the time go!!

I always say I am going to keep this up but just where does the time go!! :(
It is just flying by way too fast, I wish I could pause all of the good and mazing times with the girls and their little selves and keep them so young and small forever! The Baby is going to be 18 months this month and Sissy girl will be 3 in 4 months! Crazy, crazy! We will have the girls a year in July, I just cannot believe how so fast this has gone by!
Baby girl is crazy, she is smart as a whip and runs everywhere, talks and knows way too much for her little self! She still only has four teeth but is getting some monsters let me tell you, oh they are a comin! Poor baby! She is still so small but thankfully growing for sure. She is still sassy as heck and tries to rule the house but hey now only one person can do that! ;) We just love her so and she loves us so, she has become quite the daddies girl too, it is so great!
Sissy is doing awesome, she just improves all of the time, she has come so very far from last July, such a different child! She is going to start school this summer, 2 days a week for about 4-5 hours while I take Baby to her visits! She is potty trained so she can do this and I could not be more proud of her, she will do so well and benefit so much! She will go to  a special class in the Fall 2 days a week for speech and some early intervention, then her preschool two days a week as well, this is just going to give her all that more of a boost, it's just exciting and so great! We have had such an amazing support system for her, it's made an awesome difference in her life! She is such a miracle and so beautiful and she is almost ours forever! There is a shower in the works for Sissy girl and I, and I am so humbled that a very close friend and some family want to do this and honor us! I have always longed for these times and stages in my life and even in this situation it is still happening, it's beautiful!
We are finally in the adoption process after 9 months, finally! It will be about 6 months till we finalize, the birth's mothers rights will be taken away in Aug and they will no longer see her. We are in the final stretch here with Sis, it is so happening and it is so hard to believe but just the best feeling ever! We should finalize this adoption in October or November, so it will happen this year, we were so scared it would not! The girls four year old Sis is getting adopted in June and we are so excited for that, it's just a miracle how we all got about this and came together, God, oh he knew what he was doing here! I thank him everyday for our family and all it is!
I get o have my first Mothers Day this week, not only so many firsts with the girls and our little fam but this is such an honor! I prayed to be a Mommy for so long and it's here, it is actually happening, I get to be one and to two amazing little girls, they have just changed my life forever and make me so happy! I absolutely love being a Mom, it is the role I always knew I would, it just completes me! :))

Update since Friday

March 18th, today we had no visit with birth Mom again and due to this happening so many times they removed her from the schedule, yay!! We made it 8 months through seeing her and she actually just gave up, she just quit coming, wow! I am so happy about this and I really feel she is not going to come anymore, she knows what is happening and knows she is done and has no more chances. I think knowing her, she would rather not come then face the pain again of saying goodbye like she did with the older one! She still has the option of seeing the girls she can still get her visits back but I don't think she will. They are reducing her visits down to once a month at this next court hearing and she will have 120 days of that so lets pray she doesn't decide to pop back up. 120 days after court and we should be free and done forever! Sissy's assessment should be starting very soon, this is the adoption process finally, finally! I am sure hoping by the end of this year it is final, it takes about 6 months total to finalize! Crossing our fingers!
On this note too we had been given the go ahead on telling her her new name, so very exciting to be able to do this. We have been calling her Sissy from the start and now she knows herself as that and it is a great way to transition her into her new name. I do not want to put it for safety purposes on my blog but she loves it and says it so cute, we still call her Sissy all of the time but are moving into slowly her new beautiful name! I was so excited to giver her new name this is so special for us it is really feeling like it's real now, she will be our first daughter and ours forever, it is so amazing! We gave her a name that fits her and a middle name that is a family name and then her taking our last name it is just so special, the future is laying out in front of us now and it is the best feeling.
Fri's visit with birth Dad was ok, he is just getting more and more strange, he keeps calling our Social worker and telling her that he has all these makeup visits that he does not have at all, he is just making up dates! Baby girl totally cried today and did not want to go to the supervising gal or him at all, I just hate it, it breaks my heart! Our Social Worker came over during his visit too that day and sat with me and we talked about stuff then she made sure we got to the car ok with out any issues from him, although it was weird because he called her right away in her office when she got back up to it! Things are fishy with him and we do not trust anything right now!
On Sat it was my birthday, the first birthday with our girls! I can only say it was about the best I felt in so long. Going through four years of pain and depression of not being able to have a baby made many holidays and birthdays hard to get through. I can't tell you how amazing it felt to wake up on the morning of my birthday and have a sweet little girl look at me and say "Happy Birthday Mommy" words I will never forget! Baby girl cuddled with me in bed and gave me hugs and kisses, it was so great. My husband took the girls to get balloons and a card from him and them and made it look like they wrote in it is was so cute, he made my day so great too and really helped with the girls. The girls loved celebrating the birthday as all birthdays they do, it was really fun! I felt so loved and I feel so blessed to have been given these two beautiful gifts on this day!
Sunday night we told Sissy her new name it was very special we told her at dinner and told her she was a very special girl and gets a very special new name, she has been saying it here and there if we ask her and it is adorable but she always puts Sissy in front of it, too funny! Glad the transition is working so well, we are very happy for that.
Monday we had counseling and we were on high from telling Sis and being able to tell her finally of her new name and no more visits with birth Mom either and well our high was shot down. I won't go into major details on this but sometimes I guess others have very different opinions on things like changing names. Some feel with this type of adoption you shouldn't or it may do more harm but we feel for safety and what and how she got her name it was for the best and we will be changing the baby's name as well for sure! With birth dad to baby being so crazy it is only the best for all of us to make sure that both girls are never found. They will get new SSN and entire new names too, so that is the best for everyone and the safest! We feel very good about this and know we are doing the right thing here, i feel bad that the therapist may not feel the same but we have others guiding us as well in counseling too and going through this journey that think it is the best too. This therapist is from the county and although we do really like her she has her side to things and her views sometimes. It was just a bummer to not get to tell her what a positive thing it has been and how Sissy has reacted to it too in such a good way, hopefully she will come around!
Today the Teacher, Vision teacher and Nurse came out through KCKids and the nurse had not seen Sissy since last year very shortly after we got the girls, she could not believe her eyes! She said she is like a different kiddo. She tested her eyes, her hearing, measured her and weighed her. She has lost weight, grown so much taller, she said she is 90% of her growth charts, she is going to be very tall. Her hearing was fine and her vision has gotten so much better! She said she looks awesome and we should be so proud and of course that we are everyday!!

Visit Day

Today birth Mom did not show again, thank you very much I say to that! She has one more day to do this and she gets taken off of her two days a week schedule we have had the last 8 months, which is way to long! Her visits were supposed to be reduced a long time ago! So lets pray she does not show up on Friday.
The Baby had to go see her birth father and he is always such a weirdo, sorry to call him that but he is. He pretended not to see me as we walked in today and looked up and then went back to playing on his phone, then when the supervisor called him and he didn't hear him I said his name and he was like oh hey! So strange he is! She does not even say hi to him or smile at him, I took her in the room set her down and she just wanted to play, she doesn't go there to see him! She didn't want to say goodbye to him again but said it to the supervisor of course, haha, I love it!
But I am on alert and going to watch him to see what he does now because today he fallowed us and I was not ok with it. I don't know if he was actually fallowing us to spy or see where I park or what, maybe he was going to do something else who knows but it was fishy and he was behind us and I didn't like it as I walked back to the car! I even faked to go to another vehicle till he was out of sight. This man has a scary background and I am not going to put anything past him! I can get an escort by security and may just have to if I get too worried specially when this case gets a little bad for him which will be coming up here soon! :(

Prayers Being Answered???

Our County Social Worker and FFA Worker came out today and we had our monthly chat like we usually do and today we got some great news, I mean so awesome to hear!
What I wrote in my last blog about our prayers and what we have wanted all along here for Baby girl could serious actually happen now our hopes are really high again!
Ever since her birth father got out of jail and was able to get visits with her we have questioned why does this man get to see her, specially learning so much of his background and very scary past, why we ask!! That why does he even get to fight to get her too, just seems so awful to us and so scary for her.
Well, we may have our fears and prayers answered now, he may not be getting FR(Family reunification) services! Something we thought for sure they would have to give to him but now we may have our miracle and they may again not have to again! I will never forget the day we found out he would not get services and FR and then I will never forget the day as well we were told they would legally have to, it was so upsetting I cried and cried!
Now in the long run this is all up to the judge but we have the county who does not want to offer FR, we have a judge who is for sure concerned about this man and his background and the safety of the child, we have the DA who is the girl's attorney who is for sure not for it and the birth Mother's attorney as well who is fighting against the Father for the Baby to not be with him and then us! On top of this recommendation he is not doing well in his current services they are asking of him, so this with his scary past is where they are basing this conclusion on! You tell me how he can go up against all that, I am feeling good I really am! Miracles and prayers can happen and be answered and I think we might just be on our way, keep praying friends and fam we feel it!! :)

I LOVE YOU

The most sweetest words, "I love you", spoken by our Baby girl tonight on the day she turned 16 months old! It is so amazing to hear this from her, not only do we have our Sissy who tells us all day long but now the baby too, it is just the best thing in the world! As I am approaching my 33rd birthday on Saturday, this is the best present and all I need right here, the babies and their love!
We had court on friday and it was continued again due to Birth father's attorney being out, even though he had a sub he did not want to go on with out her, of course he would want to continue for that! Ugh! But we found out some awesome news and I feel good about moving on and am praying this is some insight to some prayers being answered and very hopeful things happening for all of us! The girl's have an attorney, the DA and she is not in favor of Birth Father reunifying with the Baby, this is such good news we are so happy to hear this! We did not know what she wanted for the girls and did not know how she felt, to hear this after 8 months is just awesome! So in a nut shell, no one is for him getting his daughter back and think there are major red flags and should not be done! The only ones that have rules they have to fallow is the county, the county we do not think is in favor of it either because in they beginning they wanted to deny him this but they have to fallow certain procedures and rules and allow him so much, which is just plain sad that the system works this way but at least we know they do not want it they just have to see this thru and fallow the way the system works!
At this point I am still praying he MAY not get his 6 months of reunification, we can only still pray for this but if he does get this 6 months to try and reunify it does not mean he will get her and I personally do not think he will be successful at this, it will just put us through hell as we say, before we find out she is ours forever!
Onto court at the end of this month for a settlement which I am sure they will not settle on anything, then onto our hearing which we have been waiting for, for months and months now, sentence these parents, please oh please! Praying! :)

Teacher's compliments made my day!

Today Sissy's teacher came out and she is so awesome I love her. We worked with Sissy for an hour assessing her for her KCKids program! She was doing so well, could do almost everything she asked her to do but we noticed she took direction so well and much better from me! So I started to ask and explain the tasks to her instead of her teacher and it was amazing how well she did. Her teacher said I know her so well and know how to work with her so very well, it is great. It made my day, it just really did, I feel so great this week, it makes all of this hard work and the oh so very frustrating times all worth it. This is where the rewards all come out in the journey of parenting and parenting a child that has come from where she has. I love this little girl, she is my life and I will forever try to do my best to help her be all she can be!
I wanted to also document something from yesterdays visit with the baby and her birth father, that he was late to his visit! We actually thought he was not coming, he is never late. The rules are the birth parents have to be there early and cannot be even one minute late but his supervising worker allowed him 5 minutes and as we were just getting ready to go and I was so happy, he came walking up, just so cool like whatever I have never been late, there is a first for everything he says! Ugh, grrr! :( I am afraid that this guy who usually supervises is allowing him too many breaks and it makes me wonder what he is actually documenting  from these visits, like that the baby doesn't like him, has no bond to him, just goes to play and eat snack, never hugs or kisses him, doesn't even say hi to him or bye, you know the reality of it all! And her birth father claimed he taught her to say "please help" a two word phrase, which I know she cannot say! She is talking a lot and repeating a lot but her only two words she now says as of yesterday is "thank you". I have only gotten her to say "please", she doesn't say "help" at all! This man is a huge lier, he lies about everything let me tell you! It is scary how he thinks and what he does, this man is not to be trusted!!
Now onto to court tomorrow, prayers, prayers for answers and to not let this man get anything good!

It has been way to long and I need to journal they tell me!

Well I have decided to start blogging lots more! :) This is more for myself and the girls cases too! I love updating friends and fam and sharing our journey but I will also be using this as a journal for our situation too to have it as record. So if you fallow my blog bare with me there will be a lot more entries now and I may only share some with all or on fb too! :)
I will need to update from the last 3 months because I have not blogged since Jan. which I can't believe how fast time has gone on but there is too much to tell now so I will just have to start on this week for now and do the last 3 months later.
This week is a big one, court, attorney is coming on to our journey here, Sissy has gotten great news, eye doc for Sis, vision teacher has come back and more!!
On Monday we met with our new attorney for the first time, we are going for something called De facto status, it gives Foster Parents who have cared for the children at least 6 months more of a say and can be present in most of court hearings too. It is not as much a birth parents rights but it gives us a bonus and something we feel that is very important for the girls. We are also happy to have someone representing us and what we want to see happen. Right now we are just going for this status so there is more to come on this but I feel good about it all. Homework for now is a log of all medical appointments from the last almost 8 months! That I can do!
Sissy went back to see her local eye doc today and she said everything is looking nice and improving so that is so great to hear. She does want us to still patch the eye on top of drops 1 hour each day, she hates it and it is so hard to get her to do but we will try to continue to do so! This little girl is doing so very well. We also got great news yesterday that she scored NORMAL on her ASQse, yahoo, so amazing to hear, so proud of all of our hard work, hers and ours!! Hats off to her KCkids and teachers too.
Visit with birth Dad, the oh so dreaded visit with the Baby's birth father, something I seriously loathe! I had to report to him and the supervising worker that the Baby had yet another ouchy because she is a toddler and is crazy, so that of course went over well. Told them about her bruise above  her eye brow and how she hit my mirror in our bedroom, then also how the other bruises got there because she has a bit of a temper and likes to throw herself down and hit her head on things when she is mad or doesn't get her way! The birth father who is so weird, just plain weird was too concerned that I had to have her strapped in a stroller for her safety while her sister was getting checked out at the eye doc today! "Why did she have to be in there?" he asks. Oh my, maybe if you were a father in the first place you would understand you can let a toddler run around a very small office with many objects that could hurt her and I as well had to hold onto the 2 year old! I know what he is going to do I see it now, oh this woman cannot not take care of two at one time, I need to get my daughter away from her! Yep to go along with his request for wanting a new foster Mother because the baby calls me Mama too, that was a good one! Then the question I got when I went back to get the baby today was, "when she was stuck in the stroller and could not get out, did she have a toy?" Oh wow buddy, glad I didn't think of that one, thank you oh great one, you are so brilliant! Grrrrrr! I told him why yes she had a snack, my cell phone and my keys to play with, things she loves but at that moment she wanted to scream and throw a huge fit because she could not get out of the stroller and she was slamming her head onto the bar of the stroller cuz she was mad!! Mind you this was a total of 5-10 min that she could not get out, it was not long, she was perfectly fine before that! Ugh! This is what I have to deal with this guy, he is something else man and I know it's only going to get way worse and way more ugly with him, it's going to be a big fight! The Baby has been saying "No, No, No" and shaking her head no the last 2-3 visit we have seen him, she does not like him, not only this but she used to cry every time, every time, it was awful! What I love though is how he tries to kiss and hug her and she will not ever do it to him, she just ignores him, she doesn't say hi or bye or hug or kiss him at all! She says hi and bye to lots of people now and hugs and kisses all the time! She even said bye to the supervisor today but not her own birth father, ya lets say a sign!!
Tomorrow Sissy's teacher comes out and we love her so yay for that, her vision teacher returned after some months and just couldn't believe her progress, said she looked and was doing fantastic.
Friday we have court, oh court gotta love court days too! Lets pray of course again we do not get postponed yet again, it has been so much waiting now for so long of just getting the parents sentenced! We want reduced visits to two times or one time a month on the birth Mom and get Sissy in her assessment for adoption finally, so we can hopefully adopt her in this year still. On the Baby and her birth father we do not want him to get anything positive, we only want still supervised visits and nothing increased or unsupervised and want ti hear they are issuing his services or not and that he has his psychological evaluation coming up very soon! Also that the county got the clear to use his evidence from his juvenile years too! This guy should have never been allowed to even see his daughter, its crazy but it has been allowed! :(

A New year!!!

Welcome 2011!! I am welcoming this new year with major open arms, such a year of big stuff happening and I feel like a new woman too! I feel so truly blessed where our lives are going this year, our adoption of this little gal is just the high light of my life right now. I cannot wait to finalize this chapter and be able to officially call her ours! Although it already feels that way but to be able to give her her new name and our last name, it is just so exciting, I cannot wait until August or September comes! Something I have waited my whole life for our first child!
Along with this adoption my one and only little Sister is finally getting married and I am thrilled to death about this! It looks as though it could take place as well close to our adoption, so the end of Summer will be a busy one at that but oh so exciting! I am so happy for her and excited to get to help her through this time in her life too! Yay!
Our Baby girl, our Foster baby she is still in this waiting status and we are always praying for her and this situation to be ok! I can't fathom if it does not turn out ok for her and us so I just rely on God to get us through this with her, it just has to be ok, she has to stay with us, her sisters and be safe and loved that is just the only way about it! If I think about it too much I just worry myself sick, so I just focus on the good going on and trust it will be ok! Something that has been very hard for me in the past, letting it go!
But there is something that this year is also bringing and that is something I told myself had to happen this year! "The New Me" it is time! I have had a really rough time that last almost 4 years and have not focused on myself, stress and emotional ups and downs have really taken a toll on me and I decided with all of the wonderful changes in my life going on this year, this was it, time for our first child to come into our lives and time for this new Mommy to get fit and healthy! For our daughter, for my husband and specially for me, I am going to do it! I would have to say that my little Sis getting married really made me take the official plunge as well, thanks Sis for getting my butt in gear! :)
I have made some major personal goals and this has been a very hard struggle for me for a long time in my life actually so I know it will not be easy at all but I am determined to do it! I know I can! By the end of the summer I want to be someone new, someone so totally different and confident and I want to say I did it, through hard work, sweat and even tears if I have to, no one said it was easy, right!
So 2011 you are bringing me so much and I am going to do and change so much too, I can't wait, New Year, New Life and New Me!! Yay!

The Holidays

I can't believe how time is just flying by so fast! It has been just about 5 months since our world changed for ever and we received these girls. Some days it feels like a life time that we have had them and some days it feels like it just happened. But all in all these girls have changed so much since we did get them, Sis is 28 months now and baby is 13 mo already, wow! Sis has lost at least 6lbs and is growing like a weed, she is going to be a tall thing let me tell you, she will surely pass us both up! Baby girl has gained 6lbs and is growing so fast as well, so happy but I am still worried about her growth all of the time! Sis is like 90% on the growth charts and Baby like 20%, wow they are so different already. Sis is sweet and loving, loves to please, Baby is feisty as heck and always naughty but loves her Mommy lots so thats ok I will love her back too little fire cracker! :)
The holidays are here, we got through a fantastic Thanksgiving and now it's already Christmas time, crazy! I kept thinking as the months went by Lord please let us have them for the holidays! Our prayers and wishes have come true. To know at this Christmas 2010 that this little gal, Sissy, is going to be with us forever and many, many Christmases to come is just unbelievable. It is so fun to have them here this year, to share them with the family and see the joy in their eyes. I love the new traditions we are starting and what we get to show them too. I have just dreamt of this for so long now, I have to really pinch myself that it is really happening. I loved the holidays when I was a child and it is so fun to see that again in a childs eyes as an adult and a new Mommy. I had spent the last few years yerning for a family so bad and now we have one and I absolutely love this feeling. I am so excited for this Christmas and so excited for 2011, ready to bring in a new year that is bringing us our first daughter and hoping her Sister too, which would be our 2nd daughter as well. I am so thankful for what we have, we are blessed beyond words to have these angels in our lives and the situation we do have. We are still fighting for Baby girl but I really feel inside and have so much faith it is going to be ok.
I think of the day we got them so often and it was all because of the guy up above and a sweet gal at our agency, we will call her an angel, if it wasn't for them we would not have these girls and would not be where we are right now, in pure love and joy!

Answers!!! Bitter Sweet....

Well that was not too long to get some answers I guess after my last blog after all now!
We got some answers and some bitter sweet news to share today. I guess I will start with the bad before the good.
We found out that Baby girl's father is going to be getting services, it came as an utter shock to a lot of us involved in this case even the social workers and reunification worker as well. A lot of us did not want this at all. We are pretty upset and very scared. He will be getting a 6 month time period to do many things to reunify with her and whether he does that will be up to him. Although the odds are against him and many involved do not think he will complete this chance given to him, we are going to be looking to God to pull us and baby girl through this! This is something we so did not want and we going to need strength to get through this 6 months of ups and downs and emotional toll. We will be able to fight and have a voice in a few months and get an attorney as well and believe me we are going to fight for this baby girl, she needs to be with us and her sisters too, no doubt about it! Please pray for our baby girl!
Now the amazing and exciting news we found out is that we are officially moving towards our adoption process with Sissy girl, it is a 100% that we are getting to adopt her. The girls mother is done and will be getting her 120 days and then she is done, we will be coming to a stop after those days on visits with her and starting our 6 month adoption process. When the visits stop we can start calling her by her new name we are going to choose for her too. We should finalize our adoption with her in about 10 months. We are so very excited to have this amazing little blonde, silly, smart, sweet and so very loving little girl in our lives forever! It's a Girl!!! :0)))))

And the wait continues....

Another update on us over here in this house hold with these amazing girlies. It has been a little while since I blogged. Been so vary busy of course, always something going on. I told my husband it often feels like we have twins with the girls being a little over a year a part and now the Baby being onto toddler hood too! We have been having court hearings but everything keeps getting postponed and continued on this or that, it is hard to be in the "waiting" status but it comes with the territory I guess. Most cases like this go through that many, many times before there is actually a finalization in the works, we may be going thru this for some time to come. I am turning to God and his direction to give us strength and to get us through the roller coaster of up and downs with this and the emotions as well. I do feel that in the very end God knows what is best and will bring us through it all.
Now on to the wonderful part of all this, the girls, they are my world and my everything. They are so beautiful and amazing, I love them so very much. They keep surprising us all the time how grown up they are and so fast. The Baby is 1, already, I just can't believe it, such a big 1 year old. She is 20lbs finally, she is in her new forward facing car seat that she got from Grandparents and Auntie for her bday, we love it. She is stopping bottles this week as a matter of fact and is doing wonderful with whole milk in a sippy cup and table foods. She dropped her morning nap and is now just onto an afternoon nap as well. She seems way to tiny to be so grown up already and moving a long to all this so soon but it is normal and time, I kinda wish she would stay a baby for a little while longer but I love that she is growing and thriving. She is walking so fast now, I think she might run soon and she is talking away, every week a new word.  It is so crazy how fast time goes, I cannot believe where she was at 8 months old 4 months ago when we got the girls. This baby girl is going to give us some grey hairs though I know it, she is a little fire cracker as my hubby says all the time, she can through a mean fit and get a little rowdy too, oh man. But we love her and her tiny little feisty self so much!
Sissy girl is awesome, growing too fast too into a little girl not a toddler anymore. She keeps slimming down and getting taller too, she is so cute, so sweet and so very smart. She has changed so much, she talks so much better and keeps on adding to her vocabulary, shocks us with her words all of the time. Her teacher has told me many times that she sees so much improvement so much fast in her than many families she works with, it is a huge compliment for me and us, lets us know what we are doing all this hard work os so paying off. Sissy has counseling now every week with my hubby and I, she has her teacher come out 3 times a month, she is getting glasses very soon and is just doing awesome! I love her hugs, kisses and laughs she gives me a thousand times a day, makes my world so bright! When she says "I love you Mommy" it is the best.
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, traveled for the first time as a family and for the girls too, it was an experience but so fun as well. I love having them here for the holidays and in our lives and families too, I love spending their birthdays with them and can't wait for Christmas to come and to have that so very special time with them. I love to see the excitement in their eyes and to know we are giving them a life they would not have with their birth parents.
Not sure when I will update next, we have a very busy month and some stuff coming up before the holidays with the girls case, so for now lots of prayers please for us and the girls and I will update as soon as I can.
I am a blessed foster Mommy of two beautiful girls, so glad God has placed them in our hearts and lives! :)

November a month to be Thankful.....

November is the month to think about what you are thankful for! Wow what a great thing to think about and remember at this time last year where we were at. The entire year it took to get a placement like these girls was very tough, the ups and downs we went through! And now look where we are, we just can't believe it! So what am I thankful for this November and this Thanksgiving???? Two wonderful and amazing little angels that came into our lives, that are so beautiful and bring is so much love and joy I can't even explain! I thank God for giving them to us and will never, ever for get this year and this Thanksgiving for sure! I am so grateful and incredibly thankful!
I as well cannot wait till next Sunday, a day for celebration for sure and a weekend of family and friends coming together to celebrate our little Baby Girl's 1st Birthday! I remember when she came to us 8 months old and I thought wow will we get to celebrate her first birthday with her, I only hoped and prayed we would get this day with her! Can't believe how that time flew by, how she is walking and starting to talk and just becoming this little tot and not a baby anymore, although I wish it would slow down I love that she is such a go getter and a smarty and just wants to be so big because she is so tiny in size! This one will not let anything stop her and she is going to be something else! Love our Baby Girl and almost 1 yr old! :))

Birthday photo shoot, Halloween fun and November stuff to come!

Every week brings something new around here, they fly by but yet as we go thru them these girls grow, learn and are part of us more and more! I can't believe how many people tell us that Sissy looks just like me and the baby like my husband, it is so true! They say that happens a lot when you adopt and in our situation we had no idea what and who we would get to adopt, it is so amazing! I can't believe in almost 4 months how much these girls have changed already, Sissy seems like she is 6 months older than when she came to us and the baby needs to stop growing up already, I want her to stay young! :) The baby is walking a lot, hardly crawls anymore and is talking so much, says a new word what seems every few days! Sissy is a sponge, she is soaking it all up and acting more like her Mama Missy every day, yikes! :)
We did another photo shoot last week at the house, birthday shots 1 yr and 2 yr pics, it was so much fun! These girls are so adorable and just plain beautiful to me. I dressed them up in their birthday party outfits, Sissy's from her 2 yr. party a week and a half after we got them and Baby's party to come in a few weeks, they looked adorable. We went out into the orchards with a rocking chair that is actually from my Great Grandmother and took some amazing shots! This time the girls were in great moods! Then we came in and let Baby go to town smashing a birthday cake on the kitchen floor, it was so funny, even Sissy got in on the fun and MESS! :) I cannot wait to see the finished product! I just want to capture these so very special moments in their lives and have these first memories for us as well, so special to me.
This last weekend was Halloween, way fun time with the girls, got to have Halloween/trick or treating fun with my husbands family and our little cousins on that side, we had a monkey(baby cousin 4 mo) and a lion(cousin 16 mo) and our two little kitties, they were all so cute! Sissy practiced her trick or treating that night too, it was great, she just cares about the candy of course "nandy". Then on Halloween we went into town and trick or treated with some of our friends in a neighborhood where we know several families as well, it was so fun, Sissy did great and had a blast! She was a little slow for our 4 year old buddy and her cousins she was with too but we would throw her in the stroller and catch up to the speed treaters, heehee! I loved trick or treating again and all the houses with the fun spooky decorations, what a really fun, fun time and all the memories as a kid coming back!
November brings up several big events, Baby is turning the big 1! I cannot wait for her party and to celebrate this for her, such a big thing in a baby girls life and so honored we get to be apart of this! Cannot wait for the family and few friends to enjoy this with us too! We have a very big trial coming up that should set the tone and pace for the rest of this case and how it should go, some anxiety for sure over this is going on but I have faith things will be ok, just need it to get here already! And then we get to go on our first big family trip to my Dad's for Thanksgiving! We are heading off for about 5 days and I cannot wait for the little vacation, taking the girls to see my family and all the fun I know we will have, very special too! I have longed for so many of these special times we are going through with these girls!
My husband and I have been talking over little things that dawn on us from week to week with these girlies and realizing that they are 15 months apart, there will be some very close and busy times with them only being about a year apart in most everything! Aghhhh! haha Ya a little nerve racking to think about, life will be crazy thats for sure, my hubby swears we are done already, LOL! 2 girls is enough for me he claims, haha! :) We will see dear I say! :) I may need a boy to off set the girl drama!

Fun and Special Moments!

Today we got to have the joy of taking pictures out at the Pumpkin Patch in the girl's costumes. It was an experience I will say. :)~ They were not in the best moods, although they like their costumes "black cats" tutus and all, they were not happy and just wanted to do their own thing, like normal! haha Baby was curious about it all and did ok, she was easier to capture but Sissy did not want to cooperate at all with us, I think our photographer finally got a few shots of them both together and happy before we had to give in to the lollipops. What a cute place to take pics though and I love their costumes, although we decided not to draw on cat nose and whiskers cuz we were afraid they would wipe it all over and make a mess out of it, I do really still love the outfits I ran all over to get yesterday! I cannot wait to see the finished product. Next week is their birthday shots, we will see how that goes!
Another great special time today, my Dad and Step Mom came out to meet the girls for the first time, it was so awesome! A lot of the family has met the girls now but not them, so it was very special. Seeing my parents with the girls is so special in itself, for that is what I have longed for, for so long now is my family with them and traditions carried on. I didn't think it would make me emotional seeing them with the girls today but a few times I got choked up. There were some really adorable and sweet moments with each of them and the girls, specially seeing my Dad with them and I just loved it, touches my heart so much, they love him already, even Baby who is so shy at times. I cannot wait for our trip over Thanksgiving with them, it will be so fun with Grandpa and Grandma! Something that was just so cute was my Dad laid down for a little rest in our living room on the floor and Sissy got her blanket, pillow and dolly and laid next to him, my Dad passed out and started snoring and Sis watched a movie and while he slept she petted his hair, heehee, so adorable! Just makes me smile! :)))

Court, 3 and 11 months!

We had court on Friday and nothing happened because they had to just postpone the actual hearing two weeks out because the county did not turn in paper work in on time for the court to receive in time and go over. These things happen a lot I hear and so here we are looking at 6 weeks now most likely just to sentence the parents! It has almost been 3 months since these girls came into our lives and we are still waiting to have these birth parents sentenced, seems like it has been so long and they have been here for ever! But then hearing just 3 months and I realize so much has actually happened in that time. I can be patient, something I am not very good at but I can and will. I know what is waiting for me in the end and I know it is the best thing to ever happen to me besides my hubby and I finding each other and having him in my life and future as well.
So back we will go to court in 2 weeks and they will most likely go trial over all of this which will be a month out from there. :)~
On the 21st of this month it will be 3 months since these girlies came to be in our lives, gosh, we talk about that day a lot, it was insane, the first few weeks like I have said so many times, I can't believe we survived them. These girls have changed so much, I can't even believe it, Sissy doesn't even seem like the same little girl that came to us at all, I look back and think wow, she has just evolved into this little amazing, blonde haired, silly, smart and happy little girl. I just love her to death, she is my little girl I always tell her. Baby cakes, man, watch out world cuz here she comes, just growing, getting teeth, longer hair, walking and most likely running soon I am sure too, she is crazy. She is my Baby girl though and I love having her as that and still little enough to get that too. She turned 11 months on the 14th and I just can't believe we will be celebrating her first birthday next month, I am so excited to get to be a part of this huge milestone in her life, I can't wait. I think to myself a lot, we are so lucky to have gotten these girls when they were so young, to get to go through so much with them, God you knew what you were doing. ;)
This next week will be busy, appointments, visits and Halloween pics which I am so excited for. Although I have to get the rest of their costumes and get them put together, I am so excited. This is such a fun time of year.
My hubby and I will have had our first date 7 years ago Oct 23rd and have been together ever since, never would have thought our lives would take us to the point we are at now and I couldn't be happier. We will be going back to our little spot, where that first date happened, maybe we can even get our same little booth! :))) xoxoxox

The Match Meeting

Today was our Match Meeting, such a big day! We have officially been labeled as the girls Risk Adopt family. They are an adoptive placement now. The journey still continues and we have not even started the 6 mo adoption process yet but hoping after court on Fri we will find out when that will begin, that is if hearings or trials do not get delayed. What was handled today was basically explaining to us the girls history and birth parents as well and how this all came to be to this point. We received a big packet of info and I have yet to get passed the first couple of pages but once the girls go to sleep I am ready to read all about everyone. I am anxious to read on further, we receive all info they have on birth parents entire history and lives plus the girls, interesting info so far, explains a few things. It is so refreshing that their social worker and the adoptions worker are so on board to not send them back to birth parents. Their birth parents are all a big mess and have been for many, many years, there should be no question in anyones minds that they should never go back to lives like they had. So sad what they even went through for how long they did.
I am just so happy and excited we have come to this point, a day that I have dreamt about for over a year now. I remember thinking I just want to get to this point, please oh Lord! Normally when this would happen we would hear about the risk adopt children first before they would be placed with us, then have  the Match Meeting and then say yes or no to them after receiving the info and go forward to starting to visit with them until they came to live with us forever, or move on to the next case. Well not the case here, we got these girls first and as foster children so we all know how it went from there but oh man do I thank our social worker, God and my husband too for us all opening up our lives and guiding us to foster care as well, or these little baby girls would not be with us right now. It is all falling into place, I can see it now.
Now on to court to see what the judge says in sentencing the parents, it is recommended that parents do not get any services to get their children back because of their pasts, also no help in any rehab or classes of any sort and also visits get reduced down to two times per mo, we will either get the green light and go forwarder to the adoption process start date and reduced visits or we will get delayed and go to trial next mo if any of the birth parents contest. Our social worker says be prepared to get delayed or postponed. Of course that is so annoying and we just want to move forward but we are prepared as much as can be to be patient and wait this out. I know in the end everything will be ok no matter how bumpy the ride will get. :0)

The Latest!

I have not blogged in a little while, been busy like always. Things are still booming around here, busy life with the girlies, visits with birth parents(dislike those days) school group for Sis, family life(what little time we all have together)etc, etc!!! Life with the girls is still so surreal sometimes, I just can't believe they are here at times. I love all the little amazing moments, I just want to soak them up and I could do without the tough, stressful, hard and just down right awful times too but I know its life and no one said it would be easy! :)
The Baby is just crazy, she is such a spit fire still and getting more so I think, she is going to be a sassy Mama I tell ya. She has been taking lots of steps in a row, walked across half a room so far, she wants to be so big this kid and she is just the tiniest little thing. I can't believe she is almost one, we are putting together a little family party for her for her birthday next month and it is fun planning, although I have been so indecisive about it all, I am happy what is turning out to be. I wish we could do more and give her a huge bash, I love parties but this will be just fine and have a lot of her new fam here for her! I can't wait to see her smash that cake and go for it. Because we hope to have a HUGE celebration when the time is right for the adoption, we didn't want to do something too big now for her birthday too, one thing at a time right now, so much going on. We are getting ready to stop bottles with her and formula and move on to just whole milk, she is eating good table foods and prefers that, I just want to make sure she keeps packing on weight so gotta watch that. I am also very ready to get her in a forward facing car set too, she hates facing back, last time we checked she was 18lbs, hoping she will be 20 by her 1st birthday so we can turn her around, in hopefully a new car seat for her bday! I love this little bug so much and she loves me bunches, she is my little baby cakes an I just couldn't live my life without her. :)
Sis is doing better and better each week, she has her 2 yr old moments of course(Grrrrr) LOL but we get through it. She is learning so much, we are really working with her, her speech is really improving, in fact most days we can't shut her up, lol! She is just so loving, with an attitude sometimes and in her way but she is a cuddle bug and loves her attention for sure. I love how she just squeezes onto me sometimes and loves and kisses me. I love the love from the girls, it is the absolute best. Sis is still working on the potty thing, she will go anytime on the potty we put her on but she also has no prob going in her pants. I feel this is mainly due to birth Mom leaving them so soiled all the time, she just is so used to that. She will tell us once in a while if she has gone poopoo but hardly ever so we have to get to that point. We are out and about a lot too so it is very hard to work on it. Once the visits with birth parents get reduced we are going to go strong. She will get it I know it, she is close. We would love to not do diapers or pullups with her anymore like I have said before. :0)
Her school and KCKids is going well, she is considered Developmentally challenged like I have said before too but she is really showing so much improvement, I think with so much help this little girl is going to be ok. There are still some concerns we have at how much and what she will have challenges with as she gets older but I am so proud of her. It will be my #1 priority to give her all she needs to catch up and be what she can be.
This is such a fun time of year, I have got to get the rest of their costumes but at least I finally decided what they are going to be, I can't wait, so fun. We have a friend that is going to do a photo shoot for us, going to do 2 yr pics for Sis, 1 yr pics for baby, Halloween and pumpkin time shots and family photos too, I can't wait. So Excited!!!!
This next week we have some exciting times and some stressful times too.  We will be having our Match Meeting this week, which I am super pumped about. I remember when we got certified I remember our social worker explaining how things would go once we would get an adoptive placement, I remember hearing her talk about the Match Meeting and this was a big step in the process, so I am so glad to be at this point. They will officially ask us to adopt the girls and we will get lots of info on them, all they have. Even though they know we will adopt them and we have info it will be good to have this, I am excited. But we also have court this week too and this is making me nervous on what will exactly happen in court. Most likely we will get postponed out several weeks to a trial, so that annoys me but we will just have to see what happens with it all. This hearing is to sentence the parents and though of course we want things to go one way, they don't always do. It has been recommended now both parents be denied services and we go forward the the 2-6 hearing but it is all up to the judge to determine this and she may post pone things a few weeks before we will know all this. We have a good judge and feel she will be on the side of the girls, so lots of prayers will be said for this day and I will be so glad to get it over with. They are also going to ask for visits to be reduced and I am praying, praying we can get that granted, I hate dealing with these visit days.
Onto the start of another week in our crazy adventure, my how our lives have changed and I just want to pinch myself everyday to make sure I am not dreaming. Almost 3 months we have had the girls in our lives, so much has happened in these 3 mo. :0)

A nine to ten month process??!!

I wanted to share some of the feelings I have about getting this news over the last week. I honestly feel as though if a doctor told us we were expecting a baby(two babies) in nine to ten months, like if we just got that news and we were celebrating and telling all of our family and friends! Of course it is different but I have never felt this feeling and experienced this and this is the only thing I can compare it to because we are going to be parents and we did just find out and it very well could take nine to ten months to finalize everything! By the time we start our adoption process it could be the end of the year, although to me it has already begun. I already feel as though these are my daughters! It is weird, its like we are going backwards, most expecting parents find out the news and wait over nine months to meet their precious son or daughter, we got them first and then got the news and now have to wait for it to be legal, it's a crazy thing to go through. And although expecting parents to twins find out there is more than one, usually you get one at a time, not us, instant family to two daughters, heehee! Who would have thought!
I am so honored to be adopting these girls, I am so honored to talk with their birth Mom, which surprisingly is actually very civil, friendly and loving, and be talking about the future with her and a permanent situation. Their birth Mom has been through this before and knows the process, she knows she is done and she is actually already doing things before it is even time! She and I talk, we talk a lot and although I do not allow her to much personal info, she has told me she is really happy her girls are with us, she knows they will have a great life and a much better, healthier and safer life at that. She wrote her daughters letters to read when they are old enough to understand and they were beautiful, they made me cry. I think she honestly gets it, although I wish she would get herself together and quit having children, I would not have these girls if she would have not had them, so from now on I hope she stops, i thank her too for giving me these babies.
I will some day tell the girls about this journey and their birth Mom, I want them to know when they can understand how this all happened and worked out, of course I want to protect them from any pain or hurt but I will tell them and be as honest with them as I think should be. Their birth Mom truly loves them, this I know and I know she never meant to harm them but she loves her drugs more and can't get clean and out of this life style. I pray for her all the time and hope to God she gets herself clean because I fear that we may get a call that it was too late and she has done herself in for good, I fear this all the time.
I have saved the letters from their Mother and will be starting a box for each of them and placing things from her in them, these will be their special boxes, I want them to have this. I want their Mom to know too how much we wanted this and how amazing it feels to be taking care of and getting to adopt these angels. I want her to know we will always do our best to give them what ever they need, they are our number one priority and we will bend over backwards for them, no matter what it takes!
Their Mom has expressed some wants for them and although when they are our daughters it is up to us to do what we wish for them, I want her to know we will do things that we feel are best for them and us. She may not like it all but I want to be honest with her and tell her why. One big thing is we plan to change their names, I am sure she will not be happy about this but we plan to have some form of at least written contact with her, so she will know that we will be changing their names. I am going to explain this to her in the next few months and I hope and pray she can understand and be at peace with the decisions we make.
Changing their names is a huge deal to us, it makes them ours it gives them the new life we are all starting and we are picking names that we feel fit them and fit the family they are joining. It is a hard thing to do and I want to do this asap so they do not get too old to go through this. This is why we call them by their nicknames most of the time. We have two names in mind but they are not set in stone so we are still making that perfect decision. By the time we start the 6mo process we can start calling them by their new names, I can wait till that happens!
I can't believe how this is all going and I only pray for it continue on this way and this smoothly, with birth Mom and everything, it is just such a blessing!
On to the next nine to ten months, making plans, making big decisions and all the fun too! I can't wait to call them by their new names, I can't wait to re do their room, I can't wait to celebrate with all of our family and friends that these are our new daughters!!! I want to have the biggest party ever! :))))))

Maybe I should write a book, I got so much to tell! :)

I sometimes think my brain is going to burst with all the things I want to express and tell! This experience is just so unbelievable. From the time Erin and I started trying to have a family and the years of disappointment and trying so many things and weighing our options and even wondering if this was the right way to go, I have never been more reassured than now, this is where we are supposed to be!
Some of you know how we got involved in this but let me tell you quickly, this is all a pretty amazing story, I think! So my husband and I had been going through the ups and downs of infertility issues and we decided to check into adoption, we knew after checking into private adoption, like fertility as well we could not afford much in these departments. We actually tried to make it happen on both ends but were unsuccessful. As we checked into Foster Adoption we started one summer to get certified through the county and then my husband got a new job, his career he has now, that we knew was going to be a great career and that had to take focus. So yet again we were back to noting in the family department. It wasn't until almost a year later, I came across an old friend and go figure Facebook, she and I had know each other since we were kids but had not talked in years. As I found out what she did as a career I could not believe it, she was a social worker! I told her about our struggles and our wishes to have a family more than anything, as she gave me info on so many routes we could take we decided to go with the agency she worked for and we got certified to become Foster Adopt parents a year ago this last August.
Now this was a tough year, very tough year, we did not want to Foster, we only wanted to adopt but as the year went on we allowed our selves to Foster and though it was hear breaking at times, I can say we would not be where we are at today if we would not have listened to our awesome social worker and did foster care! Now as for the girls their story of how they came to us gets even crazier! When we had precious new born baby P for 6 weeks, we were so sad he was going to be leaving us but I had honestly made peace with it, had decided life was going to go back to the way it was and we were going to get some rest, take a break and just breathe till the next situation, which we were hoping was only foster/adoption, we honestly did not want to do the foster thing again, we were very sad over baby P! But to our shocking surprise two days before he was leaving us, while I was in his meeting with the new Foster parents, one of the gals at the agency called our social worker a billion times and was frantic, she explained how she had submitted us for these two girls and because like so many times before not been picked she thought I will just do it because what are the odds! :) Now she is not technically supposed to be the one sending off our Home study but she felt it won't happen so why not, and guess what, we got picked of course, and she thought oh i am in so much trouble here! Well we all know how this turns out now, I have to say I could not love her more right now, LOL!
Receiving these two little girls was the hardest thing we ever went through for a few weeks, the first few days were the worst by far, baby P was still here and it was absolute HELL, sorry to say but it was. But I know why God wanted this, to ease our pain from loosing baby P.
Now with everything happening and us getting the info this last week that the parents are done and we will be getting to adopt them, I see how it all falls together, it was so hard to see for so many years what God wanted for us, I just couldn't understand for the longest time but now I do! I am so filled with happiness, love, feeling so blessed and felling so thankful, I thank God for these girls everyday, even the tough days!
I can't wait to some day read all of these blogs to the girls when they are old enough to understand all of this! They were dreamed of a long time ago! :)

The Good News Continues!

I had an amazing evening after I received an email from the girls social worker this evening, I actually screamed when I read the news and started balling with joy, after the day I have had you will understand why too. As I took Baby girl to her visit today and had to leave her screaming from the stranger of a father she has, I was so upset and just wanted to cry. I just thought a little baby should not have to go through this, she just should not, it is so not fare to her. The supervising worker had to call me after 35 minutes because she had not stopped screaming. I went back to help calm her down during the visit and she would not go back to him, while I was happy she did not go for him and is not forming a bond what so ever, I hate this trauma it puts her through for this time.
As I drove home after in the car I prayed to God that this would stop and we could see an answer to this problem and issue and for her not ever, ever go back to this man! Please oh please Lord I said give me a sign that this will be ok. When we finally got home after such a long day I sat down to read my emails and also wrote the girls social worker to tell her of this rough visit day we had with birth Dad, to my surprise she had wrote me at the same time. In the email she told me that last week the reunification board met to discuss Dad and they decided to NOT offer him services for "FR" Family reunification, this is when I screamed with joy and started balling! LOL I was so happy and excited and thank you Lord for hearing me! This is so awesome, we thought he was going to get 6 months of services and help and now he is not and due to his criminal back ground he never should and that is the reason they are no! Yes, yes they realize that what these girls need are to NOT be around these parents anymore, yes! We have a great reunification worker that realizes what is best for these babies! Now each birth parent will still get to have their visits for a period of time, how long that shall be I am still waiting for the exact time line on that but if we are lucky maybe by the ned of the year it will be done, no more visits! :) I am so happy to hear all this good news, to have some worries put aside and begin to officially think like a family, like a real family and these are our daughters! This is an amazing feeling you have no idea, they will be ours, I feel like climbing a mountain and screaming at the top of my lungs with joy! Heehee We are here, we are actually here!
Now of course there will still be the process of court hearings and waiting for the important time line and marks we want to hit, I will keep you all posted on that, it will not be official and the adoption will not be final for sometime but this is all just what we want and where we want to be right now, it is going very well and how we want, it is hard to understand unless you have been through it or had a family member or friend go through the process but as our social worker said today, it is time to be happy, it is time now to celebrate!!! :)